Tag Archives: confidence

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build confidence

How Do You Build Confidence?

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Many people feel that they struggle with confidence. Alternatively many people recognize that they have fears. While facing your fears might be more about courage developing more confidence probably helps reduce fear. How do you build confidence?

Confidence might be considered when you have to face adverse conditions. It is necessary when you’re selling in a vertical market or when you’re rolling out a new marketing campaign. It is necessary to face the unknown, leave a good impression, or tackle a big project.

Belief

Have you ever considered that confidence might be more responsible for risk management as compared with courage?

Some people will suggest that confidence is about first believing in yourself. If that is true, where does that belief come from? Do you build belief and then build confidence?

Here is what I believe.

One of the secrets to building confidence doesn’t come from someone telling you to have belief. Sure someone telling you might help but it isn’t as tangible as learning to have belief.

Build Confidence

Learning to believe comes from doing things that you can believe in. When you do work that you can believe in you’ll start to build confidence. This is important because it is different from doing something that is evaluated by others, it is evaluated by you.

When you are the one to see and feel its worth you recognize your value. You can confirm its worth. Chances are good then that you’ll have the confidence to do it again. Perhaps this time you’ll do it bigger or better.

When you develop confidence the challenges you face feel less risky. When you perceive less risk not only does it suggest that you have more confidence it means you need less courage.

Looks Easy

This is how rock stars make things look easy. This is why experience is as important as education.

It’s easy to tell someone to believe. The real challenge is learning to believe in you.

How do you build confidence?

Perhaps it starts by doing work that you can believe in.

– DEG

Dennis E. Gilbert is a business consultant, speaker (CSPTM), and corporate trainer that specializes in helping businesses and individuals accelerate their leadership, their team, and their success. He is a four-time author and some of his work includes, Forgotten Respect, Navigating A Multigenerational Workforce and Pivot and Accelerate, The Next Move Is Yours! Reach him through his website at Dennis-Gilbert.com or by calling +1 646.546.5553.

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Coaching Yourself to Achieve Your Next Goal

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There are large numbers of people who chit-chat about their next goal. They have some ideas, talk about them, and perhaps give some fuzzy deadlines. Will coaching yourself work?

coaching yourself

Goal setting helps with vision. When you move forward step-by-step you are taking action. Action creates results, and you’ll need to actualize your vision.

Whenever you set a goal and actually put your body, mind, and heart behind it your chances of accomplishing something increases, dramatically. What sometimes stops people is that you also increase the chance of failure, setbacks, and disappointment.

Goal setting can sometimes be kind of funny. The bigger your vision the easier it is to make an excuse to quit. Better yet (actually worse yet) you might choose to just never get started in the first place. Sometimes people would just rather not face any disappointment and stay stuck.

Coaching Yourself

Here are a few points to keep in mind as you pursue any goal:

  • Make it realistic. What can you do to start the process moving forward? Monitor baby steps. Allow enough time.
  • Put time on your side. Disappointment often sets in because we hear about flash diets, short cuts, and quick fixes. There are none, be patient.
  • Be sincere with yourself. “I think I can,” is different from “I will do this.” If you want to program yourself to get there, don’t use wiggle words.
  • Focus on the next step. Sure you want to see the finish line, but you’ll never get there without the next step. If you only look towards the finish you leave room for doubt about the next step.

Talking about change or transformation is easy, making the pivot is harder. Often people find ways to talk themselves out of action instead of into action. If you’re coaching yourself you still have to pay the price of commitment.

– DEG

Dennis E. Gilbert is a business consultant, speaker (CSPTM), and corporate trainer that specializes in helping businesses and individuals accelerate their leadership, their team, and their success. He is a four-time author and some of his work includes, Forgotten Respect, Navigating A Multigenerational Workforce and Pivot and Accelerate, The Next Move Is Yours! Reach him through his website at Dennis-Gilbert.com or by calling +1 646.546.5553.

Dennis Gilbert on Google+


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Winning Team, Pick One or Build One?

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Are you on the winning team? Should you pick one or build one?

Winning team appreciative Strategies

Our technology and industrialized society has suggested that there is a price for admission. The price to pay is a combination of experience and education. Neither of those represent bad, they’re mostly good. Many people qualify, but only a few seem to make the team.

While I’m not sure what the recruiting world would say about this, it seems that a resume building culture might be the trend.

Building for two years here, and eighteen months there, and then people put in a weekend for a charity. Not because they truly care, but because they view it as a bonus for their resume. That’s often the belief. It’s all part of the price of admission.

Pick One or Build One

Many sports fans dream of being connected to the team that won the World Series, the Super Bowl, or the Daytona 500. Through jersey sales, hats, and t-shirts you might be as close as you can reasonably expect. On some level, you feel connected. You’ve joined.

The best companies, or at least the best known, those with the reputation and cash flow to make it all seem possible aren’t hurting for resumes. They’re flooded. The thought is, join the winning team.

Emerging professionals might dream of working at Google, Apple, or SpaceX. Sure they might be able to buy something connected to these companies and feel good about it, but that’s not success. They believe their success exists with joining.

Winning Team

Here is the secret. A winning team isn’t always something you join. Sometimes it’s something you build.

It seems counterintuitive because we’re often taught that they way to get to where you want to be is to sign up. We’re brainwashed into believing that the way for opportunity is to find it, not make it. The belief is that you can’t build it, that’s too hard. You’re better off just picking a winner.

Sure it makes sense to join a team, or if you want to go big start your own. The secret formula doesn’t exist in just joining, that isn’t the only price of admission. Often the hidden cost, the one that no one wants to mention, exists in building it.

It’s not really up to someone else. It is your contribution.

Signing up isn’t really a contribution, today it isn’t even a commitment.

You can’t just pick one. You’re also responsible for the build.

If you want to be on the winning team, it’s really still up to you.

– DEG

Dennis E. Gilbert is a business consultant, speaker (CSPTM), and corporate trainer that specializes in helping businesses and individuals accelerate their leadership, their team, and their success. He is a four-time author and some of his work includes, Forgotten Respect, Navigating A Multigenerational Workforce and Pivot and Accelerate, The Next Move Is Yours! Reach him through his website at Dennis-Gilbert.com or by calling +1 646.546.5553.

Dennis Gilbert on Google+


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Confidence and Knowing What Matters

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How do you know what really matters? Do you know for certain, or is it unclear? Do you have enough confidence?

confidence

For clarity, I’m not asking these questions so much about life’s needs, but more about personal or professional goals, creating success in your career, or perhaps about success in your business or the organization you work for.

People often suggest that things like family, friends, and our health matter most. It’s true, those things are very important and they certainly matter, but beyond those what is important?

Recently I wrote about knowing or understanding, “When Change Makes Sense.” One of the driving points in that writing was, knowing what matters.

A friend asked me, “How do we really know what matters?”

Perhaps what matters the most, at least in this context, is achieving your goal or getting to that desired end result.

I believe too many people lose sight of the goal and focus on a bunch of meaningless (meaningless in value to the big picture) activities, or ineffective and dead end pursuits because it is trendy or proclaimed and advertised as working for someone else.

In other cases people might change for just the sake of change. Sometimes that might be a bit motivational, a way to reduce monotony and lift spirits, but in other cases when someone signals change people become more afraid instead of motivated. They then often become uncertain of what matters and progress slows or stops altogether.

Certainly, much of this depends on the environment, the context, and the perceived need for change or accomplishment.

Misdirected Intentions

The first belief that people often develop when they aren’t achieving a goal is that they are doing something wrong. They often don’t consider that their path might be okay, and that it will just take a little more time. Instead they want to follow some propaganda about fast results and quick fixes.

They see the snake oil, and they buy it, they buy all of it.

Worse Yet

The bigger problem might be, once they start second guessing or they convince themselves that their approach isn’t working they begin to develop a lack of confidence necessary to pull them closer to the goal.

They still might be able to push, but they are no longer being pulled. People can push, and often push really hard, but it is the pull that really gets you through the most challenging times.

With a lack of confidence people often fail to make it through the ups and downs, the ups aren’t readily recognized and the downs become, “I told you so,” or “I knew it,” moments. None of this is reflective of a focus on what really matters. It is a focus on failure and the prescribed method for turning around a failure is often more change.

What Matters

Sometimes change isn’t what is needed at all. At least not large scale change, often it is more of a pivot, or slight redirection of effort to get around the roadblock, leap the hurdle, and get closer to what really matters.

Unfortunately, when your focus becomes about weaknesses and failures most people will look for someone else’s method to bail them out. A different and winning method, one with proven results and a quick fix, after all, you’re told this is what’s missing and what will always work.

Yes, this is sometimes valid, and yes it is sometimes representative of how we learn and grow, but too often it becomes an excuse to change everything and pick a completely new path. When the new path doesn’t work then there is still someone else to blame.

Instead of focusing on failed attempts, instead of blowing your confidence, instead of following someone else’s rule for change try sticking to your vision of the goal, and focus on what truly matters.

What matters? It’s not comparisons to someone else’s results. It is not the snake oil that was purchased or the quick fix. What sometimes matters the most is getting progressively closer to your end result.

– DEG

Dennis E. Gilbert is a business consultant, speaker (CSPTM), and corporate trainer that specializes in helping businesses and individuals accelerate their leadership, their team, and their success. He is a four-time author and some of his work includes, Forgotten Respect, Navigating A Multigenerational Workforce and Pivot and Accelerate, The Next Move Is Yours! Reach him through his website at Dennis-Gilbert.com or by calling +1 646.546.5553.

Dennis Gilbert on Google+


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How To Become More Visible

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Frustrated because you feel overlooked? Disappointed because your ideas are not heard or respected? You might need to become more visible.

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Your job is important to you and so is your career. It’s not uncommon that people express to me their frustration with visibility. Sometimes there are simple fixes, here are five tips.

  1. Volunteer for projects. When new projects or challenges come to the surface volunteer to take the lead. Keep in mind you can’t volunteer for everything and make sure you can commit yourself to doing a great job. Volunteering for a new assignment during a meeting gives you exposure for about 3 minutes, what you do next (later) is most important.
  2. Contribute during meetings. People can easily forget you are there. Participants become focused on those who are speaking or interacting, especially when you have something valuable to offer. Many people use meetings as an opportunity to point out problems, talk more about possible solutions.
  3. Ask more questions. Questions that we ask often drive focus. Whether this is during a meeting or one-on-one conversations, ask more questions. Many times we want to express our opinion and a great way to humbly contribute a point is to do it phrased as a question.
  4. Show passion. We’ve probably all heard about leaving emotions out of the workplace. While most of us get the point, we also have to consider that emotions drive our passion. Get excited about changes, show enthusiasm for different options, and be willing to get involved.
  5. Dress well. You know the dress for success story and it is not a fable. You should always strive to look your best. Some might argue that dressing differently (odd or strange) attracts attention but you don’t need any negativity from others throwing off your desire to be more successful. In business, dress for business.

Consider these five tips a start. 

What about things you shouldn’t do? Here are several:

  • Avoid gossip. It may give you some attention, but it is the wrong kind of visibility. Gossip is flip-flops at the board meeting. Don’t do it.
  • Don’t wait for an invitation. You might need an invitation for the meeting, but your opinion won’t always be asked for. Once on the roster don’t be shy about participating.
  • Don’t blend in. If you are new to the meeting or a group it might be wise to get a feel for how to interact or to understand the flow, but long-term blending in will leave you out.

Visibility is much more of a process rather than a product. Similar to reputation, credibility, and respect it needs to be built.

Think: Can you see me now?

– DEG

Dennis E. Gilbert is a business consultant, speaker (CSPTM), and corporate trainer that specializes in helping businesses and individuals accelerate their leadership, their team, and their success. He is a four-time author and some of his work includes, Forgotten Respect, Navigating A Multigenerational Workforce and Pivot and Accelerate, The Next Move Is Yours! Reach him through his website at Dennis-Gilbert.com or by calling +1 646.546.5553.

Dennis Gilbert on Google+


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How Do You Prepare To Gain Confidence?

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More confidence is something that so many people seek. If you’re inspired to gain confidence, it should never suggest that you are not already confident, but when we step out of our comfort zone we might need to find some more.

Gain confidence

One of the most important factors to make a difference will be how you prepare. So many professionals feel rushed with schedule pressures and effective time management. Procrastination can often lead to individuals denying the necessity for preparation and taking the approach that they will deal with things as they come.

Less Confidence

You might be familiar with the phrase, “Failure to plan is planning to fail.” Unfortunately I don’t know who to credit for these wise words but they are very applicable for those seeking to gain confidence.

Here is why. Perhaps nothing will more adversely affect your future confidence than your past performance. When you make a blunder, get tripped up, or have some type of performance failure you can grow from it, or you can set self-limiting beliefs which might make you feel less confident.

Gain Confidence by Preparing

Much of our confidence has roots in feedback or expectations that have been set by others. Our confidence might also be closely connected to self-efficacy and self-esteem. The best way to build more is to be prepared for any actions you are about to take or encounter. Here are a few tips to help you prepare.

  1. Visualize. Whatever you are about to do, whether it is giving a sales pitch, starting a new job, or giving a presentation to a large group imagine yourself in action. Really visualize what you might say or do. What the room or surrounding environment might be like, and most importantly visualize the positivity you will illustrate as you deliver. Visualize the event or situation in its entirety with you nailing it as you finish strong.
  2. Rehearse or practice. Practice in your mind (as part of visualization) or consider physically going through the motions depending on your circumstance or situation. Give yourself a test, do what you have to do to get it right, every time. Working out any kinks or bugs and connecting what you’re practicing to positive end results is important.
  3. Double-check. In the fable of Santa Claus he makes a list and he checks it twice. Consider everything you will need to have or do. In a professional role you might think about things like business cards, marketing materials, a tablet and a pen. In some cases you might think about the type of shoes you’ll wear, the possibility for bad weather, or changing temperatures. You might think about how you will visualize any distractions and you might also consider your nourishment, meals, and the timing connected with eating and resting.

Over Prepared?

Yes, it might be true that you can over prepare. Preparing too much can set you up to underestimate the intensity required for your success. For example, if we rehearse too much it might make our interactions appear unnatural or not authentic. It is also possible that your level of confidence is so high that it creates self-deception about the reality of the circumstances or situation you face.

The most confident people are probably the most prepared, the depth of their preparation will be conditioned by both the specific situation and their level of experience.

What about you, are you prepared? What is your level of confidence?

– DEG

See also: 5 Actions to Build More Confidence

Dennis E. Gilbert is a business consultant, speaker (CSPTM), and coach that specializes in helping businesses and individuals accelerate their leadership, their team, and their success. He is the author of the newly released book, Forgotten Respect, Navigating A Multigenerational Workforce. Reach him through his website at Dennis-Gilbert.com or by calling +1 646.546.5553.

Dennis Gilbert on Google+


  • 4

Creating Reasonable Expectations

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Recently I went into one of my favorite restaurants for lunch. I was really hungry from not eating well during the past few days. I noticed several appetizers and entrees that I absolutely love. I ordered them, all of them.  About 40 minutes later I couldn’t eat another bite, but there was still so much food remaining. Cleary, I ordered more than I could eat.

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Perhaps, my expectations for what I could eat during such a narrow window of time were unrealistic. I had the motivation, but it just wasn’t possible.

People sometimes do the same thing with self-improvement goals, continuing education or professional development goals, and especially with health and fitness goals. They feel so hungry (metaphorically) or they want change so badly that try to take on too much with a goal that lacks sufficient time to complete the process. It seems that it is much more common to set your expectations too high within a very small window as compared with setting them too low and having room to spare.

Expectations or Goals

When it comes to terminology, expectations and goals (or objectives) might be used synonymously. In practice however you might discover that your expectations and goals are not the same thing.

Many people who set out to make a personal or professional change understand (expect) that they can realistically achieve the change; their frustration, shortcomings, or failure is that they don’t set realistic goals. This can be dangerous because it can not only demotivate you, it might also damage your future confidence. Lacking confidence you might decide that you have no expectations and with no expectations you’ll likely not have any goals.

Reasonable Expectations

Creating reasonable expectations happens when you think more strategically and less tactically.

Back to my restaurant scenario, tactically, I know I can eat the food I enjoy. Strategically, I have to consider how much food I can eat during a specific window of time.

So with a little (or a lot of) motivation we can easily create unreasonable expectations, then our actual performance comes in too low. In order to set more reasonable expectations we have to be sure that we have more than just a vision of what we want to accomplish. We’ll need performance goals, milestones, and methods of measurement. We will have to actualize our vision through strategy.

At a minimum you should consider these factors:

  • past performance
  • capacities
  • resources
  • obstacles
  • measurements

There are likely additional factors that could be associated with your quest to develop reasonable expectations but this list certainly is a good start. Did you ever think there was so much to consider about how you develop or set your expectations? Are you being reasonable as you think about your goals for self-improvement, continuing or professional education, or fitness?

Here is what I think. I think I am likely to overestimate how much I can eat during one meal, but I would significantly underestimate how much food I consume across two or three years.

– DEG

Dennis E. Gilbert is a business consultant, speaker (CSPTM), and coach that specializes in helping businesses and individuals accelerate their leadership, their team, and their success. He is the author of the newly released book, Forgotten Respect, Navigating A Multigenerational Workforce. Reach him through his website at Dennis-Gilbert.com or by calling +1 646.546.5553.

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build more confidence

5 Actions to Build More Confidence

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If you were asked to describe confidence, what would you say? Describing confidence might be similar to describing audacity, presence, or even success. While these are sometimes hard to describe or explain, you recognize them when you see them. What is important to build more confidence?

Many people who talk with me about self-improvement often express that they want to be more confident which leads to the question of, “How do you achieve more confidence?”

Questions help us create more focus and getting more focused is a big factor for achieving higher levels of confidence. Confidence might be responsible for helping people overcome some of their biggest fears, how world-class athletes break records, or how sports teams win championships. It might also be responsible for how individuals in the workplace develop more respect, tackle big projects, and get a raise or promotion.

Build More Confidence

I’ve observed a lot of confidence in action, and here are five actions that I believe are critical for building more.

  1. Develop reasonable but reaching expectations. Your ability to build more confidence will often be conditioned by both reflection and vision. Your past experiences, both failures and successes, must be properly managed so that you can set reasonable expectations. Reflect on any past failures, but do not focus on them, instead focus on your successes no matter how small. Lump them together, pile them up, and remember how each (winning) experience felt. Next, build a vision that is one step greater than your comfort zone.
  2. You must take some risk. The wall that you’ve built around your comfort zone might be the biggest deterrent to gaining more confidence. While you might not quickly recognize it, your comfort zone is where you’re currently the most confident. If you are hungry for something more, you’re going to have to expand those walls. Expansion requires you to open your gate which makes you to be susceptible to either losing or gaining confidence. We call this risk. No open gate, no expansion. Risk nothing and you’ll stay the same, or worse, you’ll fall behind.
  3. You must prepare. You probably know this, but let me remind you. Failure to plan is the first step for planning to fail. People will often tell you that they just jumped in and did it, or they might say, “I’m just going to see what happens.” Another of my favorites is, “I’m just going to wing it.” Anything that you “wing” and doesn’t turn out well becomes another obstacle for achieving a higher level of confidence. Performance failures happen, but if it’s going to happen to you do it gracefully. Everyone quickly recognizes the unprepared and there is no grace in that. An investment in preparation is an investment in you.
  4. Program your mind. Visualize yourself in the moment of success. Reach deep inside to experience again what it feels like when you’ve accomplished something. Go as far back or as deep as you have to go, remind yourself that your expectations are realistic, your risk is properly calculated, and that you’ve thoroughly prepared. Rehearse (mentally or literally) each step of your plan and visualize your plan unfolding with favorable results. Accept that your plan might require adjustment but you’ll make the right choices as you encounter obstacles in your path.
  5. Assess your results. You’ll only know if you are successful if you have something to measure or compare. This brings you back to how you’ll create future expectations. Consider how your performance adjusted to any unexpected obstacles, what value or lesson exists in any shortcomings, and be sure to identify, count, and celebrate successes along the way. Keep in mind that even a failure can unveil an element of success when you learn what not to do or try the next time.

Are you hungry to build more confidence?

Confidence is built from self-esteem and self-efficacy, and these five actions can help you improve both. Some might try to “wing it” or suggest that they are waiting for luck or fate, but people who are hungry to build more, well, they can’t wait to get started.

– DEG

Originally posted on November 7, 2016, last updated on November 7, 2018.

Dennis E. Gilbert is a business consultant, speaker (CSPTM), and corporate trainer. He is a five-time author and the founder of Appreciative Strategies, LLC. His business focuses on positive human performance improvement solutions through Appreciative Strategies®. Reach him through his website at Dennis-Gilbert.com or by calling +1 646.546.5553.

Dennis Gilbert on Google+

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  • 2

Is the Fear of Success Real?

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Nearly everyone recognizes the idea of being afraid of failure. Some people are so intent about never failing that they always play life extremely safe, never really taking any risks. Other people love the idea of risk and don’t worry much about failing. They recognize the possibility of failure but only at a level that keeps them pushing towards the pursuit of their goal. They also accept the idea that sometimes failure does occur and they are prepared to manage it.

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On the other hand, there are also people who fear success. Sometimes when the suggestion of a fear of success emerges, people struggle to form the connection with success and fear. Is the fear of success real?

Fear of Success

Like its opposite partner, the fear of failure, the fear of success comes in various levels and for various reasons. Based on research and my experiences working with people, especially in coaching roles, here are five of the most common factors associated with having a fear of success.

  1. Maintaining a higher standard. The fear is that you’ll be unable to keep things up at this level. Because the standard will have become so high you will forever have to work that much harder. It feels easier to stay where you are comfortable.
  2. I’m not worthy or don’t deserve it. Self-esteem and self-efficacy are the two most important building blocks for self-confidence. If you’ve been told many times that you’re not worthy, or you can’t do it, or that it’s impossible. You may believe you are not worthy or that you don’t deserve to achieve your goal or obtain a higher level of success.
  3. I’ll lose friends and create enemies. Envy from others can be a major setback for those who have achieved more success. People may resist the idea of becoming more successful because they fear losing friendships or creating enemies. 
  4. Success requires great risk or luck. Many people don’t like the feeling of risk and believe that they are never lucky. Luck and risks are very different, but some believe they are unlucky at everything because they “never win.” The idea is the more successful I become the more my fate rests in risk or luck, so I’m afraid to become more successful.
  5. I don’t like being in the spotlight. This fear is rooted in the idea that the spotlight makes the person uncomfortable, if you don’t like to draw attention to yourself or your achievements you may try avoid excelling at anything or everything.

Surprising to some, the fear of success is real. While it is often deeply rooted in other unrelated circumstances or situations the fear may be enough to make people consciously or subconsciously avoid any scenario that may position them for additional success.

Do you fear success?

– DEG 

Dennis E. Gilbert is a business consultant, speaker (CSPTM), and coach that specializes in helping businesses and individuals accelerate their leadership, their team, and their success. He is the author of the newly released book, Forgotten Respect, Navigating A Multigenerational Workforce. Reach him through his website at DennisEGilbert.com or by calling +1 646.546.5553.

Dennis Gilbert on Google+


  • 2

Knowing What Counts

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A lack of effort is often not the reason for coming up short, but a lack of confidence might be.

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Confidence probably plays a bigger role in success than effort ever will. Effort matters, it matters a lot, but the problem is that many people work very hard only to come up short.

Consider a world class athlete who fears their ability to overcome the next obstacle to achieve excellence. Do they perform with the same conviction as a similar athlete who is more confident? Consider your next sales meeting with a client, a presentation to peers or the board of directors, or that important conversation you have scheduled with your boss. The moment you doubt your ability to deliver and the moment you allow that doubt to creep into your performance is the very moment you are not at your best.

Fake it to make it may work, but then you really haven’t brought forward the real you. Why? Because you still have doubt.

Confidence sells and confidence wins, it isn’t built by doubt or by reliving failures, it is built by counting your wins.

– DEG

Dennis E. Gilbert is a business consultant, speaker (CSPTM), and coach that specializes in helping businesses and individuals accelerate their leadership, their team, and their success. He is the author of the newly released book, Forgotten Respect, Navigating A Multigenerational Workforce. Reach him through his website at DennisEGilbert.com or by calling +1 646.546.5553.

Dennis Gilbert on Google+


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