Are You Listening With Empathy?

Listening is an interesting skill, and it is important to note that listening is not the same as hearing, listening is a developed skill. People who are listening with empathy are listening for understanding.

Have you ever been in a one-on-one or small group conversation and someone surprisingly asks a question or makes a specific statement about something that was clearly stated only a few moments ago? Not a follow up question or statement, but one that seems to be exactly the same information that was just presented by someone else. Perhaps, in order to not lose their current thought they keep processing it over and over and while doing so they are not listening. Then when there is a pause in the conversation they blurt out what is on their mind. If you’ve ever experienced this you know how strange it feels, if you haven’t hopefully you are not the one who is committing this social blunder.

Many people proudly state that they have the ability to multitask. While it is true that we may be able to walk and chew gum at the same time many experts agree that our thinking and perception processes are truly via a single channel. We might be able to spend a nanosecond here, and a nanosecond there, and give the appearance or illusion of multitasking but true cognitive multitasking doesn’t occur. So when you are thinking, processing, or trying to remember your rebuttal while someone else is speaking chances are pretty good you are not listening.

Given that we do not have a disability or physical problem with our hearing, we hear noises, sounds, and even voices, but listening is about processing the information, developing an understanding of what is being said, processing some more, and then perhaps offering a response. Perhaps many times we’ve heard that people fail to listen to understand, and that they listen only to respond.

Listening with Empathy

Listening with empathy is important for many reasons. If you are in a leadership position of any kind it might be important that you develop this skill so that you are not listening to agree or disagree, but to develop a deeper understanding. If you are in customer service, sales, or many other workplace roles it might be critical that you are not quick to form judgment, be biased, or stereotype people during a conversation. Listening with empathy is not sympathy, other than sounding similar they have little to nothing in common. If you are listening with empathy you are listening for understanding.

Are you a fast moving multitasking extraordinaire who can finish someone else’s sentence? Don’t count on it. Do you observe others in your workplace or those who you frequently converse with and after some period of time you are convinced you know what they are about to say in any given conversation? Don’t count on it.  Great listeners are not judging, they are not assuming, and they are not listening to respond. They are listening to understand.

Listen with empathy.

– DEG

Dennis E. Gilbert is a business consultant, speaker (CSP^TM), and coach that specializes in helping businesses and individuals accelerate their leadership, their team, and their success. He is the author of the newly released book, Forgotten Respect, Navigating A Multigenerational Workforce. Reach him through his website at Dennis-Gilbert.com or by calling +1 646.546.5553.

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